Freedom......!

Freedom......!

Happy is a man who is never understood

Once I saw the light

To my disappointment, it was only a reflection

A reflection of myself in a mirror

After that my life was simplified

I never understood the facts behind science

Silence is my friend

Avoiding the possibility that one day

I would be blinded by the light

Transported into solitude.

Lonely is the man who understands

I was struck by beauty and blinded

A misunderstood youth, once my greatest love

Didn’t have questions, thought I knew the answers

Once I saw a beast, his beauty was only

The realisation of an outrageous misconduct

I mistook sin for beautiful love

I will pay the price

Happiness and loneliness are not emotions, only metaphors.

I’ve seen a portrait of love

Never were the reflections true to the art

Constantly looking upwards, never touch the ground

If I ponder love, questions I ask

Deceit is the reason, I have no faith

No expression of how I feel

I understand my own true heart

Misinterpreted by many

Love Kills

It is my life, my own life, or am I really alive

My reasons are part of my misunderstood self

Causing life to be misinformed and complicated

Love may be indifferent to a man who has no soul

Don’t allow my history repeat itself again.

As when my future comes onto me

Misunderstanding of words and deeds

The real world, I embrace as part of a will to be

The birth of ourselves

History does repeat too often, I find it annihilating

If I were to see all these reasons

Ones that kill, an understanding of birth

I only remember the start not the end

The middle is possibly the part I should hold tight

We are born

If I see this birth in its true essence

I start to understand the meaning of life

Life is the beginning of our greatest death.

You to me!

Can’t you see 
what you are doing to me?

As I go through hell 
yet allow you to hurt me

As you say 
what will be will be.

And if you must leave
must betray me

Then do your worse
I am strong.

I know what’s right
you know this is wrong.

Lonely world 
the saddest day

My misery controls me
blue to stay.

I am survivor
felt worse before

Not going to let it 
happen once more

Either you love me 
or you don't

Maybe I’ll stay 
maybe you won't.

Sweetest star in darkest sky

My eyes blood red 
my tears run dry

My heart a mess 
a bloody mess

My soul in shreds
battered head

In hope that we 
won't say goodbye

I only ask for you to try

You loved my once 
you can again
Upon my chest 
I've carved you name
Deep in the blackest night 
I lay to rest
Know that you are 
still the best
As you repeat 
'what will be will be'
I think it's time 
I set you free.e.

WITHOUT YOU I’M STILL ALIVE

It’s not my lonely soul that bothers me

Nor my breaking heart, 
nor the reasons for my sadness,

In fact
I am not worried about my lonely self.

I just am wondering, 
why you chose to keep me, 
on a shelf.

I can live without seeing you 
every day,

At night, I can survive, 
without you tenderness.

In fact, I can be content 
here on my own,

I just can't understand, 
why you want to be alone.

I can get by without hearing 
your tender voice,

You don't have to speak to me 
every single day,

I can listen to the birds 
outside instead,

I just can't seem to get you 
out of my head.

I don't need you to get though, 
every passing hour

Nor do I sit here, 
and watch this life pass me by,

I really don't want you
 to help me survive,

It's just without you
I find it hard to feel alive.

You don't have to hang around 
just to please me,

I'll just carry on with my life 
as I did before,

And I can find happiness 
somewhere else that's true,

But right now I find it 
difficult to be without you.

Sweetest love?

How could you just depart
not ever a farewell kiss

My salty tears taste divine 
as they roll onto my lips.

Shaking in my hands 
the last words 
you scribbled down

The words melt,
leaving tear stained marks
as I tear your note into strips.

I've read these lines a million times
 wrote them 
two million before
But returning is not in the bargain
I've been deserted again!

When we met 
I knew it was not forever
why did you leave so soon

I thought 
maybe you'd have been different
not another role
another game.

What do I do 
with the letters you wrote 
do I throw them away.

Do I read them 
till well revised
then burn my heart instead?

Then there is your ghost 
it haunts me
every night
every day

Even if it abandoned me
that won’t work
you live inside my head.

Who'll replace
the kisses you gave
who will hold me 
when I am so alone

What will I do 
with the space beside me
the empty space in my room?

How can I replace 
the lover you were 
you loved me so well

The guilt will never leave me
of what I destroyed 
inside my womb.

No sweet love 
I won't forget you
not until you’re dying day

 I will learn 
to live without you
right now 
that's all I can do

Every time 
you see the sun set
 every time 
you smell the rain

May they all remind you
this love for you
was always true.

Remain with me
if only in my thoughts
 there you will always stay

I will not scare 
when your spirit moves over me
it will be my delight

We will always be together 
inside my heart
 my soul
 my head

You will forever love me,
if only in my dreams
as I lay tonight
inside your bed. 

Falling down

Broken, torn, world has fallen down

Wish I could turn around

As I drop down, hit the ground

Pain never makes a sound

Who's to blame for all this fear?

Who was it that didn't scare?

Where you actually ever there

Why am I the one to care?

I have loved you with all this heart

I don't want to live apart

It was broken from the start

Destroying me - it was pure art

But I will live another day

Why does it have to be this way?

I am not trying to make you stay

Can’t bear it if you went away

I should learn to carry on

By now I should have healed, grown strong

Once again I don't belong

Did we ever get along?

One day I can put this pain to rest

Face it, it's for the best?

I  didn't pass your test

Was it all just done in jest?

Can't Stand it!

Can't stand it, all this anger

Built up inside, brought on by you,

You left me, feeling so worthless

Empty, lonely, so god damn blue.

Did I allow this to control me?

Love to hate, got myself in such a state,

Do I have strength to continue?

Where’s my destiny, what’s my fate?

I have lost all self-esteem

I need an outlet for my pain,

No-one will ever heard me scream

You are driving me insane.

I’ll find what I was looking for, in time

This important thing right inside,

Deep inside, my destroyed soul

Someone has lost her pride.

I will arise, just like a phoenix

Standing tall, to reach those stars in your eyes,

I no longer need this love

That’s what you’ll learn, when love dies.

The Sad Long Death of the Wild Thing

You’re such a wild thing

I think I love you

As all those stars

Which are above you!

I'll sent you a message

Along with a dove, two!

Such a pair we’ll be

Hand in glove, too

You such a wild thing

I thought I'd tame you

But didn't realise

I had to claim you

It really has been

Quiet a shame, to

My feeling towards you

All now seem lame, too

You! Such a wild thing

I'll learn to hate you

I don't quite understand

Why I had to rate you

You have got yourself

Into a complete state too

So this must have been

Your destiny and fate, to

You are such a sad thing

I must now leave you

Oh, yes my darling

I will retrieve you

And of course my darling

Yes, I will grieve too

I hope you can swallow

And at the same time breathe to.

Broken

Broken
I feel broken
you look broken.

Frustrated
nothing said
words unspoken.

Confusion
devastation
heartbreaking.

Not my life
forgiven
forsaken.

Hollow eyes
hollow soul
hollow look.
Not the person 
she used to be
I shook.

Shaken
shatter
stir 
something’s wrong.

Lost
torn
lost
worn
lost
gone.

Different
altered
such a shame.

Excuses lame
not a life
just a game.

Gob-smacked
speechless.

Smoked smack
outrageous.

Stolen
disappearing
vanished,

Sad
down
hurt
clown
banished.

Unknown
unrecognizable
disguise.

Untruths
fabrication
plain lies.

Bullet proof
no rescue
no saviour.

Distant
anger
fury
bad behaviour.

Wash my hands
walk away
leave
go.

Participation 
of this destruction
no.

SUMMERTIME BLUE

How could you do this to me?

Break me shake me destroy me

If you wanted to be set free

All you had to do was ask.

What gave you the right to play with my heart?

Why did I let you tear me apart?

I guess it was over right at the start

So why do I find myself crying

I hope this has giving you great joy

Playing with my soul as if it were a toy

You were meant to be my man not a spiteful boy

Another lesson learnt, another sad farewell

As I pick up the pieces and head for the door

Broken at the fact you don't love me no more

Forgotten what it was I was fighting for

One day it will be your turn

It's better to have loved and lost

Does it matter at what cost

I have been used and I have been tossed

By the side of your life

I was blinded by your light

You shone so bright you stole my sight

At last I can sleep alone at night

Not waiting for you to come home

Over, over it's the end

You say you want to remain my friend

My bleeding heart will never mean

So leave me to my life.

ME

It's not my chosen destiny

Nor how love was meant to be

But it has finally destroyed me

The anger I've carried inside.

If I could take your pain away

Or even hold the blame someday

Would this nightmare go away?

So I can hold you in my arms.

All these years while I've been strong

I guess the truth is I was wrong

But we managed to get along

Until the day I broke!

These feelings I have now I can’t explain

This hurt has driven me insane

I want to love you once again

But don't know where to start.

I need time yes time to heal

To find out what is fake and what is real

When it is my turn to deal

I try not to break your heart.

We cannot chose our destiny

And what will be will surely be

I can't face you, just wait and see

What's hidden in my heart.

I'll give this life to you

You haunt me, the smell of you, I see you everywhere,

You’re wonderful, belong to me, why don't you care?

I need to feel your touch, to kiss your mouth so fine,

But why do I destroy myself, you told me you weren't mine.

My life is lost, my soul was stolen, you stole my life away,

My heart is broke, oh yes it's broken, I am all alone today.

There is no future, if you don't love me, not for ever more,

Won't you come back, won't you return and love me like before.

I cannot continue if you won't love me, it's for you I yearn,

I lay me down, I wait for you, forever for your return,

Down by the river come and find me, it’s you that I adore,

Before I drown, with the stars above me, take me home once more.

You were meant to be my lover, I want to be your wife

There can never be another, I want to share your life.

Oh sweet man, yes I can lose you, yes I can say goodbye,

Oh sweet man, I do so love you but forget you I must try.

THIS BROKEN HEART

I won't let you destroy me,

Nor will you tamper will me soul,

Inside feels just like dying,

Who was it that let you at my heart?

Do you know what it’s like to be lonely?

Gloom hangs around think as soup,

If I could only reach the bottom,

I'd dig myself out of this hole.

Silence becomes my best friend,

With daily sessions on depression,

It's tearing me up deep inside,

Lost in your charm, lost in world!

Have I allowed myself to lose myself?

As I lay under the floor,

If I could only crawl across the carpet,

If I could only find the door!

Scattered all across the room,

Lay the remainders of my soul.

And all across the walls,

Remainders of my battered brain!

I’m a mess, yes I’m a fucking mess,

I’ve climbed inside-out.

If only I wasn’t in a swim,

I guess then I could call for help.

Get away, go away, run away from me.

Who are you looking for, who are you looking for,

Just get away, yes go away, please run away from me.

The spell from beyond!

Angel of darkness, 

why have you taken me?

You planted inside me an evil seed

Inside my head you have placed haunting dreams

Because of this I lay here and bleed.

I was in a deep sleep 

when I felt you presence

You spirit swept over my body, 

I felt so cold

Then opening my eyes 

no sign of you at all

Was it my imagination, 

my soul I've sold

Son of Venus

you call for me

 I hear your voice

But only in my dreams 

only in my head

If you were to return again 

ravish my very soul

I lay me down, 

flowers in my hair, 

l lay me down

practices playing dead

Our love exists but only within my bed

I'll wrap my body around you 

and I'll love you all night

When the sun has risen 

you'll have left me alone

If I can't always see you 

let them take away my sight.

I am the living dead 

I merely and only exist.

A sleeping child who sleeps all alone awaiting you

I will sleep till the end of my time

I will dream only of you 

and promise to remain true

Foolish things

Of all the foolish things to do,

To go and fall in love with you!

Yet I’ve heard what you had to say,

Still I went and gave my heart away.

This time I guess I’m truly blue,

There will be no getting over you.

For once I thought I'd found a love that's real,

But I am left so alone, so tell me how you feel.

I thought I'd found myself a dream,

You didn't have to be so cruel, obscene.

I thought I might have meant a little more,

Now I wonder who I am crying for.

My nights will be forever long and cold,

I thought you were someone I'd want to hold.

I'll never see the sunshine in the blue sky,

Right now I just wish that I would die.

There is no meaning for me right now,

But you will move along and so will I somehow,

There is this pain that cuts right to the bone,

Why did you have to leave me here so alone?

I thought you were the only one for me,

But I was so blinded by you, I could not see.

I looked into your lines, analysed your every word,

I forgot to read between the lines, how absurd.

This time I'll bleed more that any other time,

I have wished, hoped that you'd remain mine.

To think I wanted to give you my heart,

I fall to pieces, when we are apart.

You didn’t even offer any sympathy,

Just told me to let it rest, let it be.

Did none of this mean anything at all?

I'll see you smile, you watch me fall.

I've been used before but I was strong,

By using me, you’ve done me wrong.

I’ll never love again for years,

I'll sit here, weeping buckets of tears.

If you ever pass this way once again,

Please stop by, seeing you will ease the pain.

If you ever want me you know where I will be,

I’m waiting for you, to return to me.