Rainy day in October

Constant pain

No gain

Loneliness, raw

No more

Tears streaming down face

Disgrace

Another drug, pill

Had my fill

Body hurts, muscles ache

Shiver, shake

Screaming inside

Inside dark room, hide

Sadness infectious, everywhere

Seemingly unfair

Reasoning in my suffering

Where do I begin?

Suffer with regret

Not over quite yet

Needing to be fed

Or just stay in bed

Impossible to shout

Suddenly, consumed by doubt

Going crazy, completely mad

Tears fall, I've been had?

Misery, oh misery, a part of me

Please, leave me be

Sinking deep down, below

How much further can I go?

Shattered

Shattered, torn, we go to war

I’m not standing here at all

Holding closer to the wall

Watch me stumble as I fall

Love to hate to hate to love you

All my daylight’s completely black

Times you’ve hurt me I’ve lost track

Beyond the point of turning back

Ripping pain, my deepest sorrow

Sleepless night, endless day

Don’t want to leave but cannot stay

Wishing my nightmare went away

Lay this love down, let it die

You and I so far apart

Tomorrow I will have to start

To mend my little broken heart

Right now I sit and mourn

Listening to the falling rain

Waiting on something once again

Wallowing in my bitter pain

Love’s greatest mystery

I once held you every night

All we did was argue, fight

About who’s wrong, who’s right

Leave me now I need to suffer

within my pain, I will grow strong

Knowing I’ve done nothing wrong

Trying to find where I belong

Goodbye now, goodbye forever

I just can’t stand it anymore

Nothing left worth fighting for

I see me walking out the door

Still Alive....?

Still alive, feeling joyous

Never felt this alive, true to me

Letting go of a past so horrid

Time I allowed myself to be

Looking inside for truth

My innocence stolen at a young age

What change of stating over again?

Trying to move onto the next stage

I felt so alone, all the time, everyday

Abusing my mind, unable to hide

Denying the truth all the time

Numbing the blood curdling pain inside

Time awaits, neither for me, nor you

Running sand in hour glass

Keep a close guard all the time

Moves so quick, runs so fast

Regrets carried to the grave

Forever lost must now be saved

If I wallow in this painful state

I’ll end up bitter, and full of hate

Did what I had to do, to survive

Each day passed, wanted to feel alive

Nothing felt perfect, nothing quite right

Still so empty, sleeping alone at night

Learnt to enjoy it, like who I see

I’ve hurt no-one, except for me

This world surrounds me, I’ll clearly be

The mountains that melt into the sea

Still!

Still hurting, still needing, still wanting you

Still broken, still empty, still completely blue

Can’t get up, can’t wake up

Can’t hear what you say

This anger, frustration

Will have me some day

Still my heart, still my soul, still my only man

Still love you, still miss you, still yours that I am

Can’t do it, can’t face it, can’t go on no more

This emotion, this heartache

It’s really a bore

Still waiting, still hoping, still think you’ll return

Still haunt me, still are me, memories to burn

Can’t forget you, can’t touch you, can’t let it go

I have gone and lost you

Hit me, what a blow.

I won’t let you, believe a word

Solutions, we desperate to discover

To feel alive, I don’t need another lover

Freedom is the only sanctuary I seek

The strong destroy the very weak

Waiting for the very end is nigh

I’m so bored of getting high

I have to power to step out if I try

Just in time, before I die

Stuart...a life lost!

The path in life we chose,

Sometimes hard, not always right,

Your life was stolen from you,

One dark and empty, Saturday night.

I still struggle to understand,

Why you were taken so young,

I lost my heart and dearest friend,

While your family lost a brother, a son.

With great difficulty I morn your death,

So rather allow me to celebrate your life,

I will never forget the man I knew in you,

We shared joy, sorrow, love, trouble and strife.

While I need to let you go now,

All your sweet memories will remain,

One day my life will carry on,

But for this moment, I will never be the same.

Goodbye my beautiful love,

From life’s pain, you are set free,

I doubt I’ll find the words,

To express my hurt, this loss in me.

Waterfalls and broken souls

Waterfalls and broken souls

Tainted hearts, try letting go

Together, yet very alone

Ice cold chills to the bone

Fighting for a lost cause

Recapture when all was still

Why did you have to go so far?

I still wonder who you really are

If I had a choice, a voice

Fatalist from the age of ten

Those before you have taught you well

Ran out of tales, of truths, I used to tell

Self-pity, is not a word I chose to use

But pity is felt by all I know

Charity, starts at home I heard

I won’t let you, believe a word

Solutions, we desperate to discover

To feel alive, I don’t need another lover

Freedom is the only sanctuary I seek

The strong destroy the very weak

Waiting for the very end is nigh

I’m so bored of getting high

I have to power to step out if I try

Just in time, before I die

She placed a gun!

She placed a gun

Side of her head

Pretend to pull the trigger

Wishing to be dead

A game she played

Most every day

It made her happy

That was her way

Then came the day

No more to take

She found a gun

That was no fake

With bullets real

Placed to her head

Pulled the trigger

Now she’s real dead

She didn’t want

To play no more

The gun she held

Was not a toy

Been pushed too far

Too many times

Within her death

She found her joy.