Heartbreaking!

Drifting afloat

In the blackest nitesky

Falling into the deep

Drowning in an icy pool

I begin to weep.

Lonely and blue

Fragile ice

Tears roll as

I think of you.

Breakable flesh

Thinner than thin

Uncomfortable inside

My once thick skin.

Behind a waterfall

I hid my heart

Not to be touch

Cold as rock

Dead, so old.

Something inside me dies

I sit by the window of your soul

You do not see me

I remain still.

Mountains fall

My wonder crumbles

Dreams disturbed

But

Not before

I awake to see

You

Do not belong

To me.

Medusa  c 2012

Recovery

My blessings are immeasurable

I sit in silence

and reflect on my life.

Encircled by such beauty and light

I hold gratitude for food provided

and the shelter that houses my soul.

Inside this space, there is comfort and warmth

I feel contented and protected.

I hold this immense love inside

Love that shines outwardly

To those around me, some

whom I invite into my life,

and others,  whom I now cautiously avoid.

I hold huge affection for those who,

in the past, have demonstrated

a sense of non-judgemental understanding,

and who offered me a chance.

I carry compassion and kindness

for anyone who crosses my path.

On my journey

into recover

My beautiful existence

Today, I feel alive

I experience joyous and peaceful bliss.

Yet, I am humbled by those individuals

who still struggle to come to terms

with their painful past.

The hell that they have had to endure,

The nightmare they will still experience in whilst in addiction.

Inspired by their resilience and inner strength

In a world so full of suffering.

And all I can offer is this message

That regardless of your plight

I hear you

I see you.

And there is always hope,

there is purposefulness,

there is a wondrous life!

One day, I hope that you too

will give yourself a chance

and step into the light.

Abandon your self-destructiveness

and walk the road into recovery.

Because I am worth it,

And you are worth it too.

Accompany those of us

who travel this journey

into recovery

Where life is simple,

and you are free.

MedusaMoon © 2012

Spark!

A spark beneath

the darkness,

my hopelessness

a glimmer.

The start

of hope, new beginnings

future, past and closure of

what’s left behind,

a mask

who I used to be.

My flame was dim

barely visible

yet, someone saw it

small and low

they blew onto my spark

all possibility

and now I see my disregarded soul.

Hope was there today

if only for today

it is the start

the road I choose to travel.

I am not alone

I have the very part of me

I hide it well

empty and so distant.

Full of shame

guilt ridden to the core

yet on this day

I found acceptance.

Forgiveness came

if only for a moment

it is a start

of what may be foreseen.

Just for today

I felt I had a reason

to be alive

and not only existing.

I seek out truth

so I can find my reason

purpose to be

more than

who I am!

Butterflies and Moonbeams.

Hidden

In the dark

Alone

Waiting for the end.

My time

Spent concealed

In my cocoon of despair.

Wanting to feel

The sun

Upon my translucent skin.

Brightest colours

Big and bold

One day, I’ll begin.

Every caterpillar

Has a chance

To be the butterfly.

So I’m told

Therefore I wait

In coldest days

Till I shall fly.

Until my wings

Of gold unfold

I dream of moonbeams in the sky.

The ugly caterpillar

I may be

Until my cast does break.

Then I will shine

Yes, I shall be

The butterfly, awake!

The end!

Half Moon.

Engraved on my soul
memories of you
Dreaming, drifting

I wondering past

the house

where we once lived.

Where home fires burnt

yet, now I see

another flame

does glow.

At a glance

into a window

another face

not mine.

Living in another time

hear my cries

I feel I am dying.

Still need your touch

Forbidden, forgiven

forsaken,  alone.

Tears roll down

sunken cheeks

on pale face.

Desperation

I hurt.

Decisions made

in moments haste

The last look

on your most

handsome face.

The past should

remain in the

corners of my

sub-conscious mind.

For they are

too painful

too  soiled

forgotten, lost.

Therefore

I banished from my heart

these exhausted dreams

As only pieces

of my broken heart

remain.

No-body's Fool!

You don't understand,

I’m not as stong
as I may seem

While my heart breaks
I’m dangerous.

I can hear her laughing
in the back ground

One day she'll be wailing
 I won't be around.

I’m nobody's fool

What the hell
are you playing at?

Please don’t be
so cruel

Why can't you
come right out
and say it

I can take it.

This bed grew

so much larger

And now winter
feels so cold 
the smell of the rain

in the wind haunts me.

claws of betrayal 
have settled deep
into the ground

I wait
for footsteps
to enter
this house
has no sound.

Rumours

spread like wild fire

So then tell me
what's her name?

I know that you
will not return.

It was written
in her love letters
that I found

All placed together
scarlet ribbon bound.

Bloody Valentine!

Woke

or did I?

Was I already awake?

It was morning

it may have been morning!

Unable to tell 

how long I’d been sleeping

What you left 

was not worth keeping.

I couldn’t move

my body numb

Black and blue 

from your fist kiss

How much love

to bash in my head?

Another day

I’ll have to hide in bed

My face hurts

so swollen

I think my jaw

is broken.

No-one can see me 

in this state

They’ll misread your love

as pure hate.

Sober 

you are different 

so gentle,

so kind.

You beg for forgiveness

and promise 

last time.

You’re so remorseful

with tears 

in your eyes.

Just like the last time

I believe your lies.

Yet, this time is different

quite different

you see.

When you leave.

go off to work today

I'll take my reprieve. 

The only solution  

a sacrifice

I'll take my own life.

To save myself

and no longer

be 

your wife!

Again!

I think I’ll start again

I feel this life is broken

Enough of all this pain

Existence

Oh, so tough.

I want a clean slate

Erasing all past memoirs

They haunt me anyway

So what is the f**king point?

Sailing through this life

All mystery and mayhem

Rebelling against the order

The one that castrates me.

It is hard to be a man

So sentimental and fluffy!

Not allowed to be

Soft and gentle and kind.

The others take the piss

They tense and taut and hurt me

All because I feel

I carry so much shame.

It’s hard to be a man

And fight for what I believe in

When all I want to be

Is treated just the same!

Butterflies and Moonbeams

Hidden

In the dark

Alone

Waiting for the end.

My time

Spent concealed

In my cocoon of despair.

Wanting to feel

The sun

Upon my translucent skin.

Brightest colours

Big and bold

One day, I’ll begin.

Every caterpillar

Has a chance

To be the butterfly.

So I’m told

Therefore I wait

In coldest days

Till I shall fly.

Until my wings

Of gold unfold

I dream of moonbeams in the sky.

The ugly caterpillar

I may be

Until my cast does break.

Then I will shine

Yes, I shall be

The butterfly, awake!

The end!

NO!

She was dying to be held

My God
she felt so lonely.

Too embarrassed
to explain

The reasons for her pain.

Bruised and batted

Dress all torn

With echo’s of “If only”.

Sorry state

For all to see

She sat there all alone.

“I told you so”, her mother’s voice

Running round inside her head

Another victim
another saga.

A disapproving frown

She asked for it
now surely

Dressed
as if she were a whore

Chitter, chatter
so accusing.

Voices bring her down

How dare they say

It was her fault

Regardless of consequence.

Instead of blaming her

They should be 
on her defense

“NO is NO”, 
and that’s a fact

Despite any circumstance.

If a female
can’t refuse a man

None of us
will stand a chance!

Childhood, unspoken!

No-one talks

About my painful past

Those dreadful things

That happened in my life.

Those very things that haunt me

Preventing me from slumber, at night

The reason I don’t have a voice

Been silent for so long.

Shut-up in my hellish daze

Locked into your incestuous ways.

Prohibited from uttering a word

Reprimanded for being absurd.

No-one hears the children’s cries

Dismissed as fabrication

Just a pack of lies.

Why can’t people talk of pain

I didn’t stand a chance.

Frightful disclosure

Ice-cold frightful glance.

Whisper if I dare to

Inform you of my memory

Please listen, don’t judge.

NO, DON’T TUrn away from me

Rejection, so often my routine.

I needed courage

To talk about this life, obscene.

Go away!

Don’t question, what memories I hold.

Be quiet, no-one believes you,

So often, been told.