Another tear...so boring!

Another lonely tear, so boring

Woke up alone again, this morning

The last written tragedy!

Now I recognise, that’s me

Another destructive story

Will end, with no glory

I will not live without hope

And I will always cope

Why allow this loneliness?

Does happiness really exist?

Abandonment, fearful inside

Tenderness, I hide

Purest love, abused

Myself so pathetic, so used

Wish I’d stop this falling

Wait to hear, what’s my calling

No longer that strong

All those dreadful things I’ve done

Blame myself for my behaviour

Are you going to be my saviour?

Need to numb this inner pain

Do people really say that I’m insane?

Abuse myself, to the extreme

More a nightmare, than a dream

Wake suddenly in coldest sweat

Surrounded by greatest regret

There is no where left to hide

Naked, stripped of all my pride

Every time I try to rise

Someone knocks me down to size

Pointless trying to resist

Not sure that I even exist!

Blessed soul

Oh blessed soul, I beg thee wake

The sun shall shine, when morn does break

Another day shall, come bless thee

It does not mean a thing to me?

Oh blacken heart, thy must now heal

Let go of the past, and become real

Time to rise above it all

How much lower shall I fall?

Upon this day that I was given

To let them know I was forgiven

Does this mean that much to you?

To myself I remain true

I’ve chosen a debauched life

Never was the faithful wife

For my sins, I must now pay

Struggling to get through passing day

Awake to realise, life is mine

Feel the touch of the 'divine'?

Time to leave my hell behind

Respect myself, treat her kind.

Broken world, broken me.

Time spent criticising

Look inside this soul

If you wanted to

At a glance

Would I move you?

Why, it doesn’t move me

Don’t feel this anymore

Days spent holding on

God knows I’m not that strong

Gripping the edge of my reality

Means nothing to me

The right to crucify

Deny me my destiny

I shall not complain, anticipating,

Waiting for the sun to shine

Am I happy, are you happy

Am I lonely?

Can take anymore, who shall I turn to?

Who do you run to?

Everyone is wrapped up in self-pity

Self-containment

Self, self, self

Yes even me

Especially me

Reach out, hold another’s hand

Hug the broken heart I hold

The world so empty, people rushing by

No-one stops to see the little children cry

If I had the strength, I would hold the earth

Change the tide of the wildest sea

Take away all pain and misery

But how can I change the world

When I can’t even see me!

Co-dependent

Shall I call your bluff?

Had enough, you love this stuff

Pretend, I’m really tough

Keep on saying I’m rough

This is my last call

Bang head against wall

Dressed up to go to the ball

Still you make my skin crawl

Suddenly, such a state

Inside, pure hate

Tell me, should I wait

Call this a romantic date?

Running away with speed

A hunger, unable to feed

Watch me bleed

Inside, I carry your seed

No longer, wish to stay

How hard I beg, I pray?

Always goes your way

Why can't you go away!

Giving me that change, never

Pretending that you’re so clever

At the end of my tether

Skin feels cold, hard as leather

Please say you will leave me

I really need to be set free

We’ll never be a family of three

Eyes wide open, I now see

Let’s call today our end

Before we go around the bend

You are not my friend

Broken souls, they never mend

Starving

Start, stop, stop, start

No longer own my heart

Just about had enough of this

You are taking the piss

Bored, wanting more

Lost all inspiration

Swimming in a pool, pea green

Heading where I’ve already been

Round and round until the end

Hurt from beatings I received

How many hours will it take?

I shiver, tremble, and then just break

Lost all sight, blind

Falling down, never-ending pit

Will I find the way out?

Will they ever hear me shout?

Why can’t my soul fly free?

How much longer must I exist?

For no eventual reason why

A pointless life before I die.

End of nightmare

Why did I end up so messed up, so lonely?

Standing outside in the pouring rain

People stare at me with pity, or disgrace

They don’t see my unbearable inner pain

Became something so hideous, so vulgar

No more self respect, or any pride

Allowed a substance to take over and control me

While it eats me up, I die deep down inside

Foreseen future, would I’ve walked another way?

Run away, hide safe and sound

So I could not have developed a taste for it

Never a part of me, never around

Many tried to warn me of my choice

Nightmares awoke me, still I remained blind

Unhappiness surrounded me, misery

Still I must have been out of my mind

Stuck in this hell hole going no where

Trapped inside, fearful, scared, dread

Unable to escape nowhere to run

Wait for the day I’m no longer off my head

Messed up, confused, destroyed, broken, sad

Angry, lonely, worried, frightened, depressed, low

Nervous, pathetic, insane, desperate, distorted

Totally stuck, a bloody mess, whom I no longer know.

For myself

Be strong, stand up,

Stop making life so difficult

Dwelling in self-pity

Allowing others to hurt you

Making yourself a victim

Being dependent, reliant on others

To ensure happiness, fulfil needs

Be responsible for your own happiness

Possession of self empowerment

Fulfil your inner, deepest needs

Find love within self and heal

Before you become dependent

Depend on you

Keep enough of yourself

For yourself, don’t give it all away

You’ll lose yourself completely

Control you anger, your hate

Find the true causes of these emotions

Deal with them once and for all

Carry on living your life

Stand alone, find inner peace

Solitude is not abandonment

Are you so damaged?

Thinking no-one will love you

Understanding what love is?

Its true meaning

Receive and return love

Stand up, rise up,

Hold your dreams

This is what you deserve

Just take it.

Hide it well

You hide it well

Your feelings of these times

I’ve sat here and watched you before

What goes on inside your mind?

Could I mean anything more?

My life walks on

Is there something I should know?

Well I guess should leave

With no particular place to go

So I’ll just stay home and bleed

Just when I started winning

Wanted to be king

I awoke sadly

This had only been a dream

Once I was so sure

Now there’s doubt inside my mind

They come and go away again

Leads me no-where at all

Playing a dangerous game

I’m not a loser, always want to give up

Forgotten cause, this is my life

How about yours?

A hunger deep inside

A hunger deep inside keeps burning

Trying to satisfy my need

To be heard, understood

Reach out, steal your heart

Ripe it out of your chest, it’s mine

A taste for life, one too many times

Now this appetite for destruction is all I own

Oblivion is so wonderful

Drifting out of my body onto a higher plane

That’s what motivates me, gets me out of bed

You asked me for truth, but what is truth

Dig a hole big enough and you’ll bury yourself alive

Too many questions are been created

The same answers resonate outwards

When I die, where will I go?

Will I go straight to hell?

I have no fear that remains

Age has created stability, security and self control

Denial, false sense of security

I see straight through you, transparent

I seek out your weakness, you do possess one

Shall I play, control you completely, for a laugh

I’m in a state of confusion, I wrote it all down

My weakness once found became my strength

Existing on another plateau since I saw the light

A flash of white light and my life appeared before me

Insightfulness from standing on that mountain top

No matter how I try, I struggle to feel alive.

In capture!

In capture, so sudden

Without knowing, no reason

Only dreaming, so lonely

Clinging onto all emotion

I need this, too badly, insanity

Losing all control, devotion

This power beholds me, my darkest hour

Misunderstanding, so fucked, I try

Haunting, I feel you all around me

Come hither, you want me to know

Stop hiding, I draw you onto me

My warmth, comfort divine

If only, just stroke my hair again

To watch you, hear you, fascination

So fresh, delightful, with beauty

I’ve dreamt of you for so long, appear.

Life less abusive

I shall not return from my hell

Covered in blood and mud

Once more, I’ve crossed the beginning

Again, I’ve just come to this end

Bruises and scars, all around me

Marking another, self-abusive regime

It’s my soul that I have broken

Words of regret are never spoken

Lessons to learn, don’t abuse me

Have you gotten inside my heart

Could you feel this pain I carry inside?

Understanding how it feels, to have died

I’m trying to survive, in a world so dark

Make it through, not consumed by anger

There is nothing here, for me to smile

Going remain quiet for a while

Aimless existence

I am the living dead

Aimless existence, my days

Fight endlessly for another lost cause

Sudden realisation, none of its’ yours

Running through my fingers, dust of my soul

I stare motionless, frozen

Fragile, so precious, until it’s lost

The realisation, how much it cost

I never gasped the chance

To use my gifts to their full extent

Youth is wasted on the youth

My youth is over, but I haven’t began

Self-pity, self-hatred still remains

Left with entire regret

Punished for trying to be me

Why could they not let me be?

Don’t feel like talking no more

Shall not leave the house today

Unexposed feelings I hide

Overcome, by what eats me up inside

Stay hidden, don’t come out to play

If I had to face another blow

Can’t be responsible for how I may react

All kinds of trouble, I’m bound to attract

Where are the answers to the question I hold?

Why are my reasons no longer true?

Must have been asleep, when it turned black

What do I need to do to get my life back?

Already passed the anger, the hurt, the pain

Skipped it all and went straight to destroy

Laying broken, in a million pieces on the floor

In the distance, I think I can see the door

Feel so shattered, incapable of feeling whole

There is nothing you can do to save me

Dissolve and turn into liquid blue

Tell them I’m sorry, there was nothing you could do.

Memories Bitter

Thinking of you, sat here so still

No-one else could my dreams fulfil

You’re not allow back inside my heart

I felt that the day, I let us part

I may hurt, I may cry

Some days even want to die

These emotions will fade soon

The radios playing our last tune

Still broken, raw and in pain

Laying here, whispering your name

Losing you once filled my with dread

No longer will you mess with my head

I hadn’t recalled you for weeks on end

The letters I wrote, I didn’t send

I thought I was in control at last

Shocked, as I rush back to the past

You and I together isn’t right

But I miss you so much tonight

I’ve heard it said that love is blind

I learnt the truth, love is unkind

I dwell in this desolate state

When will this love turn into hate?

This truth, I fight so hard to see

Your love, taken away from me

To wake up next to you once more

Just memories, slamming the door

Lay here in your arms before I sleep

Now in the dark, alone I weep

Spend one last day together

One hour, I don’t need forever

To tell you how much I loved you

Explain all the pain, you’ve put me through

Tell you I’m sorry, but need to go

Those feeling I hid, and couldn’t show

What I ask is impossible, that’s true

Bitter sweet memories, I hold of you

Nature’s revenge

Ripping brain out, banging head against wall

God, do you ever hear a word I say

Am I crazy, why are all the doors locked?

Do I have a conscience?

Could I refrain from my wrong doings?

Lonely shadow, reflecting my inner sadness

Why so angry, as I scream out at night

No fear for this establishment

It never wore me down

I fight for my identity, I’m not immortal

I’m more than just this state of mind

Screw you, screw this system then drain me

Kill young single mother, starve their babies

Government produces men in grey suit on conveyer-belts

These plastic crash test dummies are the law

There’s a man on the street selling drugs

To feed his family

There’s a woman selling her soul

For the price of a habit

Junkie gets shot for deal gone wrong

While everyone else is carrying a knife, a gun

All this evolution, right to the extreme

Creating super freaks, in the name of science

We have eaten half the world, but we’re still starving

Nature have you revenge, so bitter sweet

Who do we really think we are?

Self-righteous, self-elected gods

Monkey with a brain

If we think we own this universe,

Then who is really insane?

No hope in sight

There’s a hole in my heart

If I had power, I’d heal

Truth I hear, pain grows inside

My lies to you, only lies

It’s those terrible scars I hide

My days suddenly very long

In fact they’ve turned black as night

In the middle of my saddest dream

I lost all sight

That beautiful dream

The outline of your face

I torture myself, such bad taste

My broken heart bleeds

Sit on the floor

Pull out hair in disgace

Bang head against wall

Smashed window to let in some air

Life seems empty now, nothing to remain

Walking around in circles

Every step driven insane

Confusion, nothing makes sense

Thoughts of you so intense

Leave me to rest in peace, to pine

Just laying here, feels like dying.

Life is not my own.

They taken away my destiny

Oh god, what have I done to me

So blind, I didn’t want to see

My life was not my own.

This pain, it never goes away

Well, I have nothing more to say

I want you to come out to play

But I sit here all alone.

Questions they come, answers they go

The right the wrong, I’ll never know

If I take another blow

By now I should be prone.

If only I had someone to blame

Did I ask, to play this game?

I have no choice, oh what a shame

Just want to be alone,

I’m not sad, I have no joy

I’m neither a girl, nor a boy

But I ‘m not your fucking toy

Nor something that you own.

Rainy day in October

Constant pain

No gain

Loneliness, raw

No more

Tears streaming down face

Disgrace

Another drug, pill

Had my fill

Body hurts, muscles ache

Shiver, shake

Screaming inside

Inside dark room, hide

Sadness infectious, everywhere

Seemingly unfair

Reasoning in my suffering

Where do I begin?

Suffer with regret

Not over quite yet

Needing to be fed

Or just stay in bed

Impossible to shout

Suddenly, consumed by doubt

Going crazy, completely mad

Tears fall, I've been had?

Misery, oh misery, a part of me

Please, leave me be

Sinking deep down, below

How much further can I go?

Shattered

Shattered, torn, we go to war

I’m not standing here at all

Holding closer to the wall

Watch me stumble as I fall

Love to hate to hate to love you

All my daylight’s completely black

Times you’ve hurt me I’ve lost track

Beyond the point of turning back

Ripping pain, my deepest sorrow

Sleepless night, endless day

Don’t want to leave but cannot stay

Wishing my nightmare went away

Lay this love down, let it die

You and I so far apart

Tomorrow I will have to start

To mend my little broken heart

Right now I sit and mourn

Listening to the falling rain

Waiting on something once again

Wallowing in my bitter pain

Love’s greatest mystery

I once held you every night

All we did was argue, fight

About who’s wrong, who’s right

Leave me now I need to suffer

within my pain, I will grow strong

Knowing I’ve done nothing wrong

Trying to find where I belong

Goodbye now, goodbye forever

I just can’t stand it anymore

Nothing left worth fighting for

I see me walking out the door

Still Alive....?

Still alive, feeling joyous

Never felt this alive, true to me

Letting go of a past so horrid

Time I allowed myself to be

Looking inside for truth

My innocence stolen at a young age

What change of stating over again?

Trying to move onto the next stage

I felt so alone, all the time, everyday

Abusing my mind, unable to hide

Denying the truth all the time

Numbing the blood curdling pain inside

Time awaits, neither for me, nor you

Running sand in hour glass

Keep a close guard all the time

Moves so quick, runs so fast

Regrets carried to the grave

Forever lost must now be saved

If I wallow in this painful state

I’ll end up bitter, and full of hate

Did what I had to do, to survive

Each day passed, wanted to feel alive

Nothing felt perfect, nothing quite right

Still so empty, sleeping alone at night

Learnt to enjoy it, like who I see

I’ve hurt no-one, except for me

This world surrounds me, I’ll clearly be

The mountains that melt into the sea