distant
the boys use
to taunt
thunder
thighs
spoil the
outline of
my short
skirt
moon faces
do not
capture
passing
ships
at night
big girls
do not
go to the
prom
they remain
the wall
flowers
sat in front
of TV
programmes
eating
comfort
all on their
own
starvation
became
my solace
a friend who
caused the
familiar
tightness in
my gut
empty hunger
eating away
my stomach
lining
felt equally
as good as
the jelly
doughnut
I shallowed
whole
but
that piece
of fried
sweet
dough hardly
hit the pit
of my belly
jelly
melting
cause
panic inside
all I can
see
is fat
thighs
through
swollen
red eyes
remove the
cause of
my distress
by forcing
fingers
deep down
removing
contents
a powerful
feeling of
being
in control
when all
around me
out-of-control
counting
calories
grams of fat
every item
of
food is
known
by the
amount
of pain
it may cause
me
or how
many hours
punishing
out
the
loneliness
in the gym
desperately
wanting
to be thin
magazine
pages
worshipped
anorexic
super models
such glory
forcing
myself
to appear as
hollow
killing off
the
hollowness I
hold
deep inside
nurture
unbeknown
objectification
is the only
theme I know
countless
moments
wasted
disillusion
hopefulness
that my
thinness
would feed
me
the esteem
that fell
down
at me feet
as the echo
of
“Hey Fatty”
still rings
within my
empty soul!
MM c2015
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