“Why don’t you
just get a grip?”
numerous
occasions
others
utter these
fly away comments
as they fall at
her feet
she dare not
step on
these statements
razor sharp
sentiments
a reassurance
that her depression
is an annoyance
avoidance
is a healthy
game
if they could
only see
how hard
she hangs on to
her sanity
without
going slightly
insane
she wonders
what her sadness
challenges within
do their little
scary monsters
shiver behind
thick skin
is depression
contagious
she so wants
to ask
“Why are you
just not grateful?”
she ponders if
they are serious
words formulate
delusions recreate
she is just
delirious
grateful?
Grateful
for the moments
when the demons
living inside her
head were
not all wishing
that she was dead
at the same time
grateful for the
silent seconds
silence
before the rage
tip toeing
around land mines
surrounding
their insincerity
explosions
of suppressed pain
misdirected
an addition
to her accumulation
of toxic shame
“Why can’t you
see how lucky
you are?”
define lucky
please inform
her what the
hell lucky
really means
does it mean
that this mental
unwellness
was a gift?
fortunate
to experience
a daily routine
waking up
every day
praying that
the darkness
is going to be
kinder
today
is that what
they mean?
she holds
no purposefulness
inflicting
her misery upon
another
she asks for no
counsel
so why do they
bother
misunderstood
so alone
isolation
barbwire fences
are etched
around each
bone
holding her
together as
the only feeling
well-known
is painfulness
“Why can’t
they just see me?”
she needs not
a solution
the glue
they are
trying to impose
the colours
to cover her
true blue
she wishes
it would fix her
just as if she
were a broken
fragile china doll
twenty minutes
to just attentively
listen to her need
a comforting cuddle
as her insides
start to bleed
as if by magic
she would start
to grieve
letting go of
the past
if just for a moment
they could sit in
her corner
placing on her
worn out shoes
the ones with
the hole in
the soul
compassion would
replace
the coldness
may leave
without a trace
she could then
feel able
to be more
real
remove
the masks
attached to
her lonely
face
as they
ask how
does it
feel?
MMC2015
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